[CHATTERING]
[♪ ROCK] [BOYS SHOUTING]
Look! It's 10:22.
Anybody who doesn't have their lights out is gonna get their butt's kicked.
Get off the phone! Get out of the shower! Go, go, go.
Don't call back.
Just go to bed, man!
Just can't get enough of that stuff, huh? Hey, man, life is chemistry.
Hey, give me half.
How come you drive an Alfa Romeo, but you never have money?
Okay. In two days, I'll be eating fondue at Stowe when I'm not cruisin' the slopes.
You're not gonna let me study, are you? No, not even a little.
Thank you. Forget about Stowe, man.
In two days, I'm gonna be cruisin' through the Caribbean with Lori.
Oh, yeah, right. That's gonna be fun.
You're gonna be with her pain-in-the-ass sister and her mother and her father,
who we all know thinks you're a totally inferior human being.
No, he doesn't. We're good friends. Oh, yeah, right.
I can just hear him. "Dan, I can see right through you, even if Lori can't.
You're gonna to try and impress me and then worm your way into my family."
I've already wormed my way into your family. Oh, Dan, you're so common.
Lori is a special kind of person, and you're not.
- Mr. Cronenberg, are you hungry? - Yeah.
Go crazy.
Good evening, sir. Got a lot of studying to do?
Yeah.
Excuse me. What are you doing?
[LAUGHS]
Lori?
Hi, Danny. What are you doin' here?
I came to see you.
School got out two days early. My parents think I'm at Sarah Cavenaugh's.
Oh, no, no, no. This is not what I need. I've got to study here.
I don't know this shit. You can't do this to me. You gotta go.
Hmm. When's the exam?
It's tomorrow. You gotta go.
I know all about this stuff. You do?
Come on. I'll quiz you.
I've been worried about you. Why do you worry about me?
I don't know. I mean, you're stuck here with 400 guys,
workin' yourself to death, nobody being nice to you.
In two days, we'll be cruisin' to the Caribbean.
Are you ready for the moon, the stars, the surf?
Yeah.
I can have you back by morning.
Back? Back from what?
Um, two tickets to The Fabulous Thunderbirds.
[SIGHS] Hey, forget it.
I'm sorry. I know it's a stupid idea. Well, come on.
The day after tomorrow we're gonna be together for ten days.
It's all right. Willie Castner gave 'em to me...
For helping him with his floor exercises,
and I'm also sleeping with him.
[LAUGHS]
That's very funny.
It's a very funny joke. Me, I'm serious, slaving over chemistry...
Willie Castner's a fag. Shit, I hate this place.
It's just a lousy exam. Tomorrow morning it'll all be over.
Come on. I'll help you with this stuff. Yeah, that's just what I need.
I need you to help me with this. Come on, I'll never get any work done, Lori.
No, I'll be really quiet, all right?
So, like, what are you underlining right now? What are you doing?
This is everything you should know, okay?
All right, you can stay. Will you promise to be quiet? I'll be very quiet.
I won't say a word. You're gonna get an "A" on this test.
It's good to see you. Hey, no fooling around.
I'm the one on scholarship. Come on.
Sorry.
You up for getting some pizza?
No. Look, Lori, I know you thought it was a hot idea coming here,
and I really appreciate that you've gone to all this trouble...
but the truth is I'm screwing you up. Yeah, sort of.
I didn't mean it like that. It's just this
place expects me to regurgitate this garbage.
It's not one long gym class like that country club you call a school.
For your information, I happen to have a shot...
At third in our half of the state, and I'm goddamn proud of it.
Don't get pissed off, all right? I just need this grade, okay?
My parents aren't rolling in bucks. I can't afford to switch schools like underwear.
Listen, Danny, I came down here because I missed you. I wanted to cheer you up.
I invited you on this vacation so we could be together, but you don't have to go.
Look, I wanna go. It's just that I gotta
study, and all you wanna do is go get pizza!
Okay, great! Study! I hope you get a goddamn one hundred, really.
And I'll go for pizza and maybe I will find out if Willie Castner is a fag.
Oh, that's very funny.
Lori.
Lori, come on!
God!
[BELL TOLLING]
[CLASS BELL RINGING]
[RINGING CONTINUES]
It's a very easy test.
My 16-year-old daughter could handle it.
Mr. Kowalski, you didn't even... you didn't even talk about this first one.
I don't have to talk about it. It's in the book.
You're supposed to read the book.
[YELLS]
[WATER SPLASHES]
From the smile on your face, you must have done very well, Dan.
Remember that spring is a time of change.
A lot of those questions had the same answers, right? What do you mean?
Like the seventies were like all b's.
If I have to stay and take a makeup, I'm gonna kill Kowalski.
How'd you do on the essay question? Shh. Quiet, you two.
What essay question?
[BELL TOLLING] [CHATTERING]
[YELPS]
I can't see him. Probably forgot we're coming.
Bill, you promised. Maybe he chickened out.
I'll only be a second. Okay, honey.
All right.
Danny, let's start from scratch. I wasn't here the other night,
Willie Castner is a fag, and you're seeing me for the first time.
Aren't you taking this? This is my favorite shirt.
Come on. We're gonna have a great time.
We're gonna be making love under the stars.
I can't go.
I flunked chemistry. I gotta stay and take a makeup.
That's very funny, Danny. Yeah? Try 58.
- You're serious? - I'm totally serious.
[SIGHS] I'm gonna scream.
I bet my dad could talk to somebody. No, don't tell your dad.
Are you kidding me? He's right downstairs.
Well, just tell him I got sick and I got the stomach flu.
You want me to tell him? He's not gonna believe me.
Danny, they're gonna want to see you, even if it's just to say good-bye.
I'm contagious.
Did you tell your mom? No, no, I'll just stay and take the makeup next week.
[HORN HONKS]
That's them.
This isn't fair.
I'm not going. No, you have to go.
Your parents would really come after me if I did that.
Come on. Probably would have been dumb anyway,
me with your mom and dad and Ginger.
Come on. You really believe that? Yeah. No.
This is my fault. How is it your fault? Come on.
I should be able to get a 60 on anything.
I'm a jerk.
I'm really sorry. I feel like shit. That's all right.
I'll make this up to you though. I promise.
I really love you, you know. I love you too.
Write me a postcard. Stop it.
Have fun. Gotta go.
- Danny's not gonna make it. - [MR. CRONENBERG] Why? What happened?
He's sick. Feels awful. I think it's the flu.
Maybe the trip will make him feel better, honey. I'll go talk to him.
No, he's in really bad shape. He doesn't want to see anybody.
Must have been all the pressure of the exams.
I remember what that is. As soon as it's over, you just fall apart.
What a shame. Is it the same flu Ginger had?
Is he puking? I did. Hi, Lori.
Hello, Mr. Cronenberg, Mrs. Cronenberg. Hi, Mike.
It sure is a drag about Dan flunking his chemistry exam.
I'd love to stay and take his place at the makeup, but I gotta go to Stowe.
I'll see ya.
Yeah, Dan's got a stomach problem. Daddy.
A lack of guts.
Can we please get out of here? We're gonna miss the plane.
[ENGINE STARTS]
[KNOCK ON DOOR] Come in.
Mr. Kowalski.
I was going to come to your office, sir.
- I'm very disappointed in you, Dan. - Yes, sir.
You're so bright, and chemistry is so simple.
Action, reaction.
Yes, sir. You did fine all semester. What happened?
Let me guess.
You spent the last forty-eight hours studying. Ninety-six.
If you don't know it the night before, you'll never know it.
I've heard that one before. I just didn't trust myself.
How did this heart get figured into your equation?
I put that there? Well, I certainly didn't.
I guess I'm in love.
Ah ha ha, love. The chemistry of life.
That's my girlfriend. We were going to the Caribbean together.
She reminds me of my daughter.
Girls that pretty don't like to be disappointed.
They want commitment.
Did you get number 13 right, Dan?
You never put a number 13 on your tests. It's unlucky.
Well, I think in your case it just might be lucky.
[CLEARS THROAT]
What about the formula for, uh, caffeine?
Uh, C₈, H₁₀, N₄, O₂.
Mr. Kowalski.
You're late for a plane, boy. Get the hell outta here.
Oh, thank you, sir! Thank you, sir.
Everybody said you're a hard-ass. I knew you were a good guy.
I don't believe that for one second. Thanks a lot, Mr. Kowalski.
Stop them! Stop the cab! Yeah!
Whoo!
Row ten, seat "C". Don't you want to see where you were conceived?
On the plane? No, honey. Laguna del Mar.
You started as a sparkle in your mom's Margarita.
It really is a shame about Dan.
Lori really had her heart set on this. I didn't mean to criticize the boy,
but perhaps this unfortunate incident will give him a little backbone.
Hey, hey, hey, what are you doing, huh?
Sorry.
Flight to Coradad, please. This is 121 domestic. You want 121 international.
Yes. It's right around the corner.
Right around there.
♪ When the sun begins ♪ ♪ to set upon the island ♪
♪ And all the chores and ♪ ♪ the work of day is done ♪
♪ Everybody head up ♪ ♪ to the island, yeah ♪
♪ Up and down ♪ ♪ it belongs to everyone ♪
♪ There we do our dance ♪
♪ Let the spirit go ♪
♪ Round the jungle I don't ♪ ♪ worry hangin' down below ♪
♪ Everybody dance ♪
♪ Right up on the floor ♪
♪ He will follow she will ♪ ♪ follow hangin' down below ♪
♪ Oh, limbo ♪
♪ Ay yi yi yi ♪
Hello. Is this Marina Towers?
Marina Towers? Yeah? Okay.
Uh, I'd like to leave a message for Lori Cronenberg. Is she there?
Oh, all right. Well, then leave a message.
Uh, this is Dan Bartlett.
Just a minute. Just a sec. Bartlett, right.
For Lori Cronenberg, with a "C." Yes, right.
Tell her I'm in Porta Rosa, and I'll be there A.S.A.P.
Yes, I'm here in Porta Rosa, and I'll be there A.S.A.P.
Right. Just a sec. Okay, you got that? Message for Cronenberg?
Okay, thanks. It's all yours.
Taxi!
Can you take me to the Marina Shores hotel?
Aw, man, you just stole my ride! Terribly sorry.
Just watch out for the natives. Bye-bye.
Thanks.
[HORN HONKS] You crazy? You'll get hit!
Look at this man! Hey, are you guys from the Marina Shores hotel?
Your shirt. Your shirt.
Hey, look, we're going that way, man. We'll take you, if you like.
Cleon's gonna get us a couple of jobs down there, man. What?
Come on. We're not tryin' to steal your bag. We're tryin' to help you, man!
Come on, get in. No, no, no. I'll just get a taxi.
Aw, man, taxi take you too long, man!
This speed racer here. We'll get you there tout suite. Come on!
Get in the back. Well, I am in a rush.
Jump in. We're growing old. Off we go, man!
What's your name? Danny.
Thanks for the ride, you guys. It's really beautiful around here.
So, Mr. Dan, this fine young woman, she be Roxanne.
Cleon is driving. Myself is Alphonso.
How's it goin', Alphonso? Cool runnin', man.
Cleon. Hey, man, you got any ludes, man?
No. Some good blow maybe, huh, yeah?
No, no, no, no, no. You guys are asking the wrong guy. Sorry.
Best I can do is cocktail nuts from the airplane.
Come on! You guys always snorting in the states.
We always hearing about it. Yeah!
No, no, no! You guys are always snorting.
I thought they grow it here, right?
Slow down! Slow down! I want that one! Right there!
Hey!
Hey, man, come on!
I thought you meant 'cause I was stealing your woman.
All right, all right.
Shit, man, it's the roadblock. Slow down, quick!
What's the problem, Alphonso? Ganja, man!
What you doin', man?
Slow down, fool! Don't you see it's the cops up there?
That whole bundle is ganja?
[DAN] What's happening? What are you guys doing?
- I have to get to the Marina! - [CLEON] A shortcut, man.
Look, if you guys are kidnapping me, nobody's gonna pay a cent!
We show you the real Porta Rosa this way!
None of that first-class bullshit, man!
Cleon, pull over at the next pay phone.
I gotta call my girl, tell her I'll be a couple of months late.
Hey, is she blonde, man?
Come on! They all blonde in the states. I know that.
And here I thought you want me to stay with you.
What? You? That's not true. Aren't you his girl?
Oh, no, man! You got it all wrong, man!
♪ Man belong to the woman ♪
♪ But the woman ♪ ♪ she don't belong to the man ♪
♪ Hey, man belong to the woman ♪
♪ But the woman ♪ ♪ she don't belong to the man ♪
♪ Hey, man belong ♪ ♪ to the woman ♪
What you doing? Wash the car!
You crazy? Ah, shit.
[SCREAMING]
Ah, man, you're crazy! We'll never get her out!
Earth to Cleon!
So what's the plan, Cleon?
Wash the car, man. Oh.
[OWL HOOTING]
Come on, man, what do you say? Let's go work on the car.
How long you guys just planning to sit here?
As long as it takes, man.
This is fine shit! Here. Suck on this.
No, no, no.
Man, not like this.
With the blade down and then only half a flip.
Not around and round.
Hey! All right. Way to go, man!
Ooh! Ain't she a honey?
Hey, come on, give me that!
Give me that! Look!
I don't think you guys understand. I just wanna get to the Marina.
This has been a whole lot of fun, and I think Roxanne is very beautiful.
It's been a fascinating cultural experience, but I've got a boat to catch!
And I'm sure if we just try again,
we can get the car out, so get up.
[LAUGHING] I gotta get to the Marina!
Uh, this Marina. What Marina?
- The one on your stupid shirt! - Oh, that Marina!
You sure you don't want to suck on this?
Why not?
[LAUGHING]
[COUGHING] [LAUGHING]
You guys aren't planning on spending the night here in the middle of nowhere?
No, man, we're not plannin' it.
We're just doin' it.
Go with the flow.
Hi. Is it going to work?
It'll work.
Got a lever here, got a counterbalance.
That minibus, see, the engine's not in the front. It's in the back, right?
So if Pythagorean's theory is correct,
we're gonna get this baby out of the water.
I tell you, we'll get it out in the morning. Quit foolin' with it!
Does that brain of yours scare you as much as it scares me?
It must. I never thought about it that way.
Well, you should! Roxanne, step away from this thing.
It look dangerous. Good night, Mr. Determined.
Good night.
Man, he always want to be admired. Woman, she want to be loved.
Fool. He'll put the Jeep on the moon.
Come on, come on, come on!
[GRUNTING, LAUGHING]
[SCREAMING]
[ALPHONSO] Hey, you all right, man?
Okay, we'll get it in the morning.
[SHRIEKING]
[♪ "THE LION SLEEPS TONIGHT"]
♪ Mmm ♪
♪ Awee ma way, awee ma way ♪ ♪ awee ma way, awee ma way ♪
♪ In the jungle ♪ ♪ the mighty jungle ♪
♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪
♪ In the jungle ♪ ♪ the quiet jungle ♪
♪ The lion sleeps tonight ♪
♪ Awee ma way, awee ma way ♪ ♪ awee ma way, awee ma way ♪
Thank you very much. All the bags went on the boat? Everything. Yes, sir.
- Leave anything of mine? - [Ginger] No. We took it all.
Should I check for my hat in here? Hey!
Hey, honey, wait a minute!
Hey! Hey, honey, where is that man of yours?
Get in the car. Hey, honey, where's that man of yours?
I don't want those people near my daughter.
We were just leaving. We just left him awhile ago. We've been lookin' for him.
Homeboy just leave us, man.
He was with me all night. Hey, man, we're not talkin' to you, man!
[SHOUTING, ARGUING]
Come on!
♪ Ah ♪
♪ Awee ma way, awee ma way ♪ ♪ awee ma way, awee ma way ♪
♪ Awee ma way ♪
Yeah!
♪ Awee ma way ♪
[LAUGHING] No pun intended.
Hey, Dan, you just missed she! What?
We'll catch her right now! I'm not getting into that deathtrap again!
Oh, Dan, that girl of yours is truly a beauty, man! It's too bad!
Look, I'm not takin' any more shit from you guys.
Ah! Well, I like that!
- Lori Cronenberg, please! - I beg your pardon.
Cronenberg.
I'm sorry, sir. They have checked out. What?
No, no, no, they couldn't have checked out. See, I left a message.
What is the name, sir?
Bartlett.
Yes, sir. Dan Bartlett. I knew it!
Thank you.
This is my message!
Alphonso, Cleon, Roxanne, wait! I was just kidding!
There she is, hon, the Crystal Slipper.
Captain Andrew, how are you? This is my wife Buffy.
Hello. My daughters, Ginger, Lori.
- My first mate, Chris. - How are you? Hi.
You got your bathroom and shower right here.
And this will be your stateroom.
This is great. Everything on this boat is the best.
Remember that. Okay.
Where do you want it? On the bed's fine.
I'll bet it is.
It's even better than the pictures. Oh, I know. Excuse me.
Isn't that Chris a nice-looking young man, hmm?
Well, you can kiss Porta Rosa good-bye. Yeah.
Hey, wait! Hey, you guys!
It's the same guys from the lobby. I don't believe it.
Lori, I know you're pretty, but this is ridiculous. Must be my perfume.
Hey! Come back! Hey! Come back!
[SHOUTING CONTINUES]
No! No! No! No!
Shit! Shit! Shit!
Shit! Shit! Aah!
Shit! Shit!
Come back!
No! Come back, Dan. They're gone.
Come on. Dan, come on.
Hey, come back from there. Come on, Dan.
Come on! [SHOUTS]
You can stay with us. We'll show you a good time.
Hey, Dan, Dan, no. No, no, no.
Come.
[SNICKERING]
You never should have left without us. Don't worry about it now.
Cheer up, huh? I should have listened to you guys.
It's okay. You should have listened.
Look, man, it didn't work out and things,
so maybe you want to hang out here for a while.
No. I'm just gonna go down the beach and get a couple of drinks.
Thank you, guys, but you go on. I'll talk to you later, Cleon.
Be cool runnin', man. Well, it's been real real, man.
Listen, next time you want to be smart, you think with your heart.
I'll see you around. Okay.
Good-bye.
Good-bye, Mr. Determined.
Okay. I'll see you guys later, right?
Okay, Dan. You guys are all right.
Hey, what is with all this? What is it with this?
Rum straight up, please.
I got sandals older than you, kid.
Look.
That's as old as I'm gonna get.
I just want a drink, and then I'm gonna kill myself.
Yeah. Must've been the glasses.
Help yourself.
It's a jungle out there, man.
Yeah.
Thank you.
Hey, come on, you guys. Time to start thinking about going home.
Hey, school's out. I'm not going home. Yeah.
Maybe I'll just go with the flow for a couple of years.
Well, you won't be the first, you won't be the last.
I'm looking for this guy. Seen him?
Yeah. Signed on with that big yacht that left this afternoon.
They were looking for a new deckhand.
You remember the name of the boat?
Uh... Crystal Slipper?
That's it. To the one that got away.
You after him too, kid? Yeah.
My girl's on that boat. They're headin' for Laguna del Mar.
That means they'll be island-hopping.
The usual stopover in Arena Blanca.
Why are you after the Crystal Slipper? The guy owes me.
You in love with this girl?
In the worst way. Oh.
How would you like to sail with me?
Name's MacClaren. They call me Mac.
Name's Dan, and they call me Mr. Determined.
Okay then, Mr. Determined.
You come with me. You'll have the wind at your back.
We'll heel 'em over! Take 'em by storm!
That's the way to win a woman.
No, no, no. I don't think so.
And I don't know thing-one about boats.
- You read Treasure Island, didn't you? - Yeah.
I wrote a great book report too.
You'll do.
[GROANING]
What's happening?
[SQUAWKING] Oww!
We're at sea, and I'm on a ship.
Boat, kid. The queen Mary's a ship.
Motorin' all night. Caught the tide too.
We're lucky. We don't hit any weather,
we're gonna catch them by tomorrow.
Hey, kid, come on, you said you wanted to join me. I did?
I couldn't talk you out of it. Oh, man, did you try?
"Take 'em by storm," you said.
Hey, you were so anxious to head out after them,
you didn't even give me time to pick up the provisions.
Well, dinnertime. That's enough for the fire.
If you can't stand the sight of blood, stay out of the cabin.
I'm gonna get sick.
You gotta eat, and those birds taste great. Are you cracked?
We gotta go back! For Christ's sake!
You sound just like my old lady.
Where is your old lady?
Coming around El Salvador, she pulled a knife on me,
so I coldcocked her with a frying pan. [LAUGHING]
People get pretty weird after a while at sea, let me tell ya.
Say, aren't some of those birds endangered? Yeah. They are now.
One of them is an imposter. Isn't worth a shit.
I think he's half rooster. [CHUCKLING]
Here, chickie!
Here, chickie, chickie, chickie.
[BIRDS SQUAWKING]
Here, chickie. Here, chickie.
[SQUAWKING]
What do you know? Spaghetti-o's!
The hell with him. Where'd he go?
[SQUAWKS]
Goddamn it. I told you you'd see blood.
Blends right in with the tomato sauce.
- Where's the bathroom? - "The head," kid.
On a boat, you say "the head." Up front.
Bowsprit. That's where the mast sticks out over the water.
Where? It's called the ocean!
Don't forget the first rule of sailing:
Never piss into the wind.
We're never gonna catch anybody on this thing! We've gotta go back!
Forward, kid! Ever forward! Come on!
A perfect ten. I saw a jellyfish!
I hope you're not planning on Lori saving you if you fall in.
Don't stay up too late, okay? Good night, girls.
Good night, hon.
Good night, mom. Good night, dad. Good night, Ginger.
See you in the morning, Chris.
Past your bedtime, junior, isn't it?
Matter of fact, I usually stay up and watch Cagney and Lacey.
Uh-huh.
Have it your way. That douche bag!
He is, isn't he?
He's got a gun in his cabin, you know.
You've been in his cabin? I've been in everybody's cabin.
It's humongous!
Let's go.
You should see all the weird stuff he's got in his closet.
Big knives and... listen, you go to bed. I'll be in in a sec.
Hey! [LAUGHS]
You know, I just started on this boat.
My last one was this incredible 68-footer.
We got boarded by Haitians off Corida.
They murdered three people and raped a girl.
It was intense, let me tell ya. I went over the side.
Anyway, they still haven't gotten the guys. That's why I carry this.
Don't leave home without it.
I think I should be going now. Hey, hey, look.
We're hot for each other, all right?
I mean, I could tell from the minute you got on board.
Anybody who could put their body in those positions...
Has gotta be able to go five ways while I'm going one.
[MR. CRONENBERG] Buffy, use the sunblock. Look at your shoulders.
I did use it! Oh, shit.
What? I didn't realize the walls were so thin.
What do you mean? I can't help it. I'm a screamer.
You are? Once I get excited, I just can't stop.
I had to stop staying over at my boyfriend's
house. I kept waking up the neighbors.
I yell so loud, he has to wear earplugs.
[MAC] ♪ Oh, my love is ♪ ♪ like a red, red Rose ♪
♪ So newly sprung in June ♪
♪ Oh, my love is like ♪ ♪ a melody ♪
♪ That's sweetly played ♪ ♪ in tune ♪
♪ So fair in love ♪
♪ Am I ♪
♪ And I will love thee still ♪ ♪ my dear ♪
♪ Till all the seas ♪ ♪ get dry ♪
Are you armed... With the wand of intuition?
No. You're stuck...
In some chauvinistic, neural-imprinted tunnel of reality.
That's all they teach you in fucking school.
Sooner or later, you're gonna be put to the test. I was. Two days ago.
I flunked! No. I don't mean some gibberish...
Written on a piece of paper.
I mean something that shows what you got inside.
What you're made of down deep.
Here.
Some of us drink from the fountain of knowledge.
Others gargle.
Man, you cut up a temple! Hell, no. I made this myself.
You gotta come down here for the right stone though.
Better than the real thing.
Intergalactic Rosetta Stone.
[CHUCKLES] Yes.
It proves that aliens brought life here to earth.
Someone is sure gonna want this one.
Yeah, if they're nuts.
If they're nuts?
[CHUCKLING]
You're nuts. You're the one who's stuck out here...
In the middle of the ocean.
What if I did kill my old lady?
What if I'm about to kill you? Maybe I needed a deckhand and shanghaied you!
[LAUGHING]
Relax, kid. I'm just foolin' around.
Funny! [LAUGHING]
Thank you. Here's to ya.
Hey, Mac! There they are! See 'em? Right there!
No, to the right, to the right! To the right, to the right!
- I thought you read Treasure Island? - You bet your ass!
That... that's my woman off the starboard bow! Come on!
The wind's coming from that direction.
Oh, you ought to know, Mr. Determined.
Go on, take the helm. I'll get the sails up.
Oh, excellent! Cronenberg's gonna be so impressed!
Yeah. Somebody's gonna be mighty surprised to see me too.
Why don't you just call them on the radio? Only one thing.
What? Radio took a bullet off of Bahia Grande.
Chris, that's enough. Yes, sir.
Just thought they'd like to see our special transmitter.
It broadcasts the only truly INTERNATIONAL LANGUAGE: Lead.
Just shut it, okay, Chris? Thanks.
Steer forward.
I don't want to alarm you, but there have been boat hijackings.
I see.
Yeah, they grab the boat and use it for drugs, and they kill all the people.
I saw it on cable.
Hey! Hey, they're runnin' away from us!
Those jerks!
Goddamn! Mac, what are we gonna do?
Danny! I think I saw Danny! He's on that boat!
Lori, if you think about that for just one second, you'll realize how silly you sound.
But it looked like it could have been him.
Honey, you could hardly see the boat from here.
[THUNDERCLAP]
Small boat warnings are out. That's probably
why those guys are in such a hurry.
Well, what about us? Oh, we'll make to Marina Blanca, no problem.
Gets a bit thick, we go in on instruments. Wonderful.
Couldn't we just go back and check? Maybe they need some help.
Lori, my first concern is your safety.
Whoever is handling that cutter out there knows what they're doing, so don't worry.
Danny, take the tiller! I've got to get some of this canvas down...
Before the wind picks up anymore.
We're gonna lose them, you know! Forget about them!
You'd better think about numero uno.
Keep her pointed into the wind. Right.
It's not gonna get any worse, is it, Mac?
Get real, kid! We're heading into a hurricane!
Take hold of that line.
We're in real trouble, aren't we, Mac?
All right!
I'll take it alone!
We're gonna drown! Go below and get some rest!
I'll call you in a couple of hours!
Grab ahold!
One hand for yourself, one hand for the boat!
[THUNDER CRASHING]
[THINKING] Whoever finds this note, my name is Daniel Bartlett.
I'm caught in a hurricane off the coast of Laguna del Mar with a madman.
We're chasing the Crystal Slipper.
Tell my mom and my dad that I love them.
To Lori, I love you always. Danny.
Come on, you banshee!
Is that the best you can do?
Aw, shit! [LAUGHING]
Please, dear god! Please, hold on!
Mac, hold on just a minute! I'm coming!
Mac!
[GRUNTING]
Come on, you banshee! Come on!
You wanna waste me? Huh?
I'll sail this boat right through your black heart,
straight to hell and back!
Is that the best you can do?
That's dog shit! Come on!
Ugh. We gotta be someplace somewhere around here.
Someplace.
Mac, this is a place mat from some lobster house. Look at this.
"This chart is not intended for use in navigation."
Come on, kid. Don't believe everything you read, huh?
What we gotta do is sail west!
We gotta hit land sometime.
That is, uh,
unless you drift through the Panama Canal and you never notice it.
[LAUGHING]
Kid,
you saved my life.
I pulled you in the boat, that's all.
That's all?
Come on, now. I'm thanking you.
Hmm? I mean it.
I owe you one. Hmm?
All right, thank you, marine operator.
Hi, sweetie. You missed a great time.
I wonder if the coast guard's found anything.
Keep it up, Lori, and I swear I'll have you institutionalized.
[ENGINE SPUTTERING]
- She sounds sick. - [CHUCKLES] Don't worry, kid.
I call this engine old reliable. It's got a little indigestion.
Jesus Christ!
Son of a bitch. Damn it!
Hiya, folks! How are ya?
Well, it looks like it's business as usual here at Laguna del Mar.
Here I am, 2,000 miles from Dallas,
trying to reach out and touch somebody, can't even use the goddamn telephone!
They say it's because of the storm. Yeah.
Hey, you came in on that big job out there.
Sure is a beauty. How much did that set you back, pal?
Oh, plenty, pal.
Oh, this is Carmelina. Carmelina, conga! Conga!
Wow! I'm on this new banana diet.
Strictly bananas. Only thing is, it gives you a headache.
Now I know why monkeys do this all the time: Ooh, ooh, ooh!
[LAUGHING] [MAN SPEAKING SPANISH]
Uh, thank you. Thank you very much. No, I'll take care of it.
Here ya are. Here. Get yourself a green card. Wow.
- Mind if we join you? - Well, actually, um...
actually, it's our anniversary. Yeah.
Yeah. I bet you wonder where all those years went.
No, friend, we know exactly where they went. Enjoy yourself.
Why don't we get together later for a drink or something?
Just come on over and ask for Victor Honeywell.
Okay! [LAUGHING]
Goddamn it. Can't we just land?
Come on, kid.
I've been comin' out here since white paint was cheap.
There's a port around here. We're gonna hit it in a couple of days.
A couple of days?
That's it. That's it. I'm getting off the boat.
Come on, kid, trust me. I haven't steered you wrong so far, have I?
Trust you? Trust you? You wanna know what I think?
I think you did shanghai me. "Take 'em by storm"?
I never said any of that bullshit, did I? Come on, admit it! Did I?
All right! But I had a goddamn good reason!
Yeah! You didn't want to be alone on this deathtrap!
Yeah, that too! I'm getting off. This is too ridiculous!
I thought you said you wanted to catch the Crystal Slipper.
We're not gonna catch anybody in this boat!
I'm supposed to be on some tropical island paradise, eatin' lavish spreads,
not on some rat-infested hellhole...
With some unscrupulous, buccaneer rogue type!
You listen, you dirty son of a bitch!
I didn't wanna scare ya your first time at sea!
Your friends on the Crystal Slipper are gonna be in a lot of trouble!
You better stick with me! You're telling me...
I should be worried about the people on the Crystal Slipper?
You'll say anything to keep me on this boat!
What are you, freakin' crazy?
At this rate, we'll be dead long before we can catch them!
[WOOD CREAKS]
- Now look what you did! - What I did?
If I wasn't arguing with you,
we wouldn't have hit the goddamn reef!
That's it! I'm gettin' off right now!
You're making a big mistake!
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
What? What? No, no, no, wait, wait!
No. Dan Bartlett. I've come on the ship.
Many bad waves!
Shit.
Wouldn't listen to me, Mr. Determined.
Vamos! For what?
[SPEAKING SPANISH] What's happening?
I can explain! I can explain! That wasn't my stuff, all right?
Do you understand do you comprende?
Just let... can I say one... sir, are you listening to me?
Sir, just let me say one thing, please!
That stuff you got off the boat's not mine!
Come on!
You're gonna get six years. You're gonna get six years!
No, I've got to get to Laguna del Mar tonight, all right?
Look, that's not my stuff, all right? That's not my junk.
Do you have a captain? Does anybody speak English in this dump?
[GROANING] Tell this guy...
That that isn't my stuff, all right?
I came in on a boat, and it's not my junk.
I said I speak English, not Spanish.
[LAUGHING]
All right, let's get down to business.
Huh? I knew we could talk.
[YELLS]
Damn it!
[LAUGHING]
So what else is gonna happen to me, huh?
Nothing. You're gonna sit in this jail for six years.
[DAN] And she helped me and my mom out a lot when my parents split up.
Sometimes we go jogging together.
Not so much, though, since I went away to a school senior year.
Hey, did I tell you guys we went all last year when I was at Wilmington High?
Those were the times. Cruising in the Jeep, swimming in the falls.
Her father would kill me if he knew I was here.
Hey, no offense, guys, but I'm not supposed to be in jail.
He knew I'd wind up like this.
She loves nature.
We must have driven down and parked on every country road in this state.
Every one.
Lori's got an excellent sense of humor.
I mean, she'll do anything.
Anything? Almost anything.
What's her ass like?
Hands off. Comprendo?
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
Mac!
You're gettin' out of here, kid.
The shit-hole's comin' apart. Oh, great.
Andale! Andale! Meet you outside.
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
- Wait! - [DAN] What the hell are you doing? Danny!
Come on!
Danny!
Come on, Danny! God damn it!
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
Thanks, Mac. I warned ya.
I know that. Thank you. [GUNSHOTS]
Should have stuck with me.
[SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
Fire away! It's your Jeep!
Is there a seat belt in here, Mac? That's next year's model.
Small children! I see 'em.
[SIREN WAILING]
What's the plan here? Juevos are on the fire, kid.
Best defense, good offense.
What? What are you doing?
I owed you one. But we're even now, kid, right? Right!
Okay.
The other side of that field is the valle verde airstrip.
You can hop a plane to Laguna del Mar. They'll be looking for us.
No, they won't. They'll be too busy chasing the Jeep. What about you?
Don't worry about me. If my hunch is right,
those friends of yours on the crystal slipper could really need you.
You weren't bullshitting me before, were you? Hell, no.
That guy Chris helped hijack my boat last year.
I don't know if he's working crew or he wants to pull the same stunt.
But if I were you, I'd get my ass down there, okay?
I wish I could go with you, kid, but I'm too busy keeping these guys off our tail.
So I'll see you in hell, brother.
[HORN HONKING]
[HONKING]
[GUNSHOTS]
[SNORING]
Do you speak English? Oh, yes, sir. Can I help you?
I gotta get to Laguna del Mar. Can I charge the fare against this ticket?
If you give it to me, I will be most happy to do it for you.
Your ticket is fine. But the noon flight is all full.
I can put you on my standby. I may have an opening.
I will also make a reservation for you on the next flight, okay?
Please, please. When is the next flight? One week from today.
One week? I've gotta get to see my girlfriend's family tonight.
It's muy imPortante. Oh, dear, it is easter for us.
I think it is also easter for you, yes? Si, si.
Excuse me. [SPEAKING SPANISH]
Maybe something will happen. I'll be waiting over here.
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[WOMAN MOANING]
[SPEAKING CONTINUES] [WOMAN MOANING]
[BABY CRYING]
She wanted to have her baby in Laguna del Mar. Take it.
I'm so glad we could give you what you needed.
Hurry. Hurry. The plane is leaving. Congratulations.
Quick. Go. Hurry.
Go, go, go!
I am so happy to have the chance to service you.
Alto! Alto!
[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]
[DAN] Sorry. [CONTINUES IN SPANISH]
First time in a week I got a break.
[SPANISH]
Good, huh?
Oh, gracias.
Pina colada.
[SPANISH]
[DAN] Senorita.
- Senorita. - Si?
Look, what was that all about?
We're going to vista del lago instead of Laguna del Mar.
What? Vista del lago? Why?
It's democracy. No, it isn't.
- I gotta talk to the pilot. - No, you cannot talk to the pilot.
[SPEAKING SPANISH]
Look what you started.
All right, buddy, let's see what we can do. Come on. [SHOUTING IN SPANISH]
Bomba!
[SCREAMS] [PASSENGERS SCREAMING]
Bomb?
[INDISTINCT] Ha!
No way, Jose!
Just sit down and shut up!
Listen, doughboy.
We're not going to vista del lago either, get me?
We're going... we're going...
To Laguna del Mar!
Hey!
[ROARS]
That's democracy! I'd like a pina colada now, por favor. Move it!
Okay.
[SCREAMS]
[Ginger] Lori, you're not even dressed yet.
Mom and dad find out, you're gonna be dust.
I can't take this shit anymore.
I'm gonna go call Danny. But the lines are still down.
I can call from the boat on the radio.
[HONKING]
Captain Andrew?
Hello? It's Lori.
[SCREAMS]
Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey. What's wrong, honey?
Someone killed our captain. My god, he's dead.
[BILL] Oh, Buffy. Daddy, captain Andrew's dead.
What? What? Someone shot him. I found him on the boat.
It's true.
Honey. All right, look. Everybody just be cool.
All we want is the boat.
Listen, you little dick. I don't care what you want.
Don't point that gun at my family.
Bill, you're missing what's going on here.
This is my big goddamn score and you stuck your fat asses right in the middle of it.
[BILL] Come in. Perfect timing.
Victor, thank god you're here. This guy's killed the captain of our boat.
Kid, you're not gonna believe what's gonna happen to you.
You're screwed. You've messed with the wrong people this time.
Chris, you said they weren't gonna go near the goddamn boat.
Now we got a big goddamn mess.
I'm looking for the Cronenbergs. Can you ring their room, please?
Who? Cronenbergs.
House phone. Gracias. House phone works good.
Sure as shit we can't take them through the crowd out there at gunpoint.
What? Why not? I'll stick the gun in the little girl's back.
Believe me, they're not gonna try anything. Haven't you learned anything?
When 30 people see us running away with the Cronenbergs,
who the hell do you think they're gonna come after?
[PHONE RINGING] Who's that?
Oh, it's our neighbors from next door.
They're coming over to have dinner with us.
[RINGING CONTINUES]
If I don't answer, they'll come over right away.
Then they're dead meat too.
[MAN] Maybe your friends are in the fiesta.
- The fiesta by the sea. - Thank you.
All right, you're packing your things.
You're leaving. You don't like it here.
My family's worth a hell of a lot more than some boat. How much do you want?
What are we supposed to do, take a personal check? All right, put that down.
Rico. Carmelina. [RICO] Sir?
Help them get their stuff packed.
You like it? Yeah.
You can have it. Really? Thanks.
Lori!
I swear to god, if you touch any of my family again,
I'll kill you, you son of a bitch. Back off, Billy boy.
[VICTOR] Hey, get that stuff packed.
Get another Jeep and bring it around the back.
Chris, you, Tommy ray and Carmelina go out to the boat.
If anyone sees you, you're the crew showing the boat to some customers.
Rico and I will meet you at the pickup. Tommy ray knows where it is.
You guys should get there first, if you don't screw it up!
Why don't you just drop us on the beach somewhere?
Smart girl. I bet you get all a's in class.
[RICO] Keep going. I said keep going now.
You and the girl in the first car.
All right, let's get started.
All right, move it. Move it!
[CHRIS] Would you pull the line up? We've gotta get out of here.
Where's the rum on this ship? I need a drink.
Come on. Don't start drinking this shit.
[CARMELINA] Your father is going to dump that whole family at sea. It makes me sick.
The Cronenbergs are assholes anyway. Will you forget them?
I'll find a bottle myself.
Is this all that is left of the captain?
- Uh-uh. He's in the closet. - [CARMELINA CHUCKLING]
Come on, Chris. Let's have some fun.
I'm tired of your father. He's an old man. Forget it.
It's that girl, isn't it? That tight-assed little rich girl.
Shut up. She'll never screw you.
- Hey, maybe she already has. - She can't do what I can.
You're just my old man's little whore, Carmelina. That's all you're good for.
[SLAPS FACE] [SLAPS FACE]
[CHRIS] I'm the captain now. Remember that.
Six feet,
five, five.
That's close enough. The tide must be coming in.
Here. Take one of these.
Goddamn! Listen to me, all right?
I don't wanna kill anybody. I don't even know who you are. Get up.
Move. Move!
What's the trick to the machine gun?
You shove it up your ass and pull the trigger.
Listen, man, after what I've been through in
the last week, you don't wanna piss me off.
Just tell me how it works.
You got your magazine, pull the bolt.
If anything happens to the Cronenbergs, I'm gonna come back,
I'm gonna shove a grenade down your throat.
Aw, shit, you're the boyfriend.
That's right. Get up. Get up!
All right, get in the fish locker.
You're starting to stink.
[SCREAMS]
Hello. Hello. I don't know if anyone can hear us.
This is the boat the Crystal Slipper.
We're about an hour west of Laguna del Mar.
The captain has been murdered. They're trying to kill us.
I repeat... they're trying to kill us. Send somebody out here.
Daddy, if we get on that boat again, it's all over.
[BILL] It'll be all right, honey. We just have to stick together.
Victor, why don't you just dump them in the jungle and sail away just like that?
Tommy, what the hell is she doing here? She should be on the goddamn boat.
Jeez. Come on. Get 'em to load that stuff.
Lori.
Oh, my god, Danny. It's a miracle.
Well, only if we can get out of here. Are you all right?
Yeah. We gotta get help now.
This is all the help we're gonna get.
[VICTOR] Carmelina, where's that other girl?
All right, we blow up that boat.
As they're coming down to check it out, we get your family and haul ass out of here.
Shit! I'll never make it back up in time.
I only got a couple of seconds after I pull the pin.
What if we throw from the top of the house?
How am I gonna get up there? How do you think I got in your chemistry lab?
Give me this.
[TOMMY] Straight ahead. Through the door.
[BUFFY] Where's Lori?
- What the hell was that? - I'm gonna put a firecracker up his ass.
Why don't you just calm down? We'll move the damn boxes. Let's go.
[VICTOR] Where's that girl?
All right, I want all this stuff moved out. Everybody go down to the beach.
Pick up a bundle and move it down to the beach.
Tommy, I want you to get them to move their asses!
That means you, Billy boy, and that means you, miss.
Victor, just leave them here and sail away.
Leave them here and sail away? I can't leave them here and sail away!
And where the hell's that girl?
What the hell...
Tommy, you come with me.
Rico, you watch them!
Holy shit!
Dan! I've got a Jeep outside, sir.
If we all leave now, we won't get shot. Okay, let's go.
[VICTOR] Come on! Move it! Move it!
Let's go.
Get down! [YELLS] Bill.
Bill, here's another clip. I'll tell you how it works.
Dan, I was shitting in a hole in Korea before you were born.
Oh.
Look out!
Get out. Everybody get out of the car. Get out of the car.
Go down that road. It'll take you to the beach and the boat.
Danny, what are you doing? It'll work. They'll follow the Jeep. Go!
No, Danny. I wanna go with you. Later.
Thanks, Dan. Come on.
Best defense. Best defense.
[ALL YELLING]
[SIREN WAILING]
Ya-hoo!
I can't believe after all we've been through,
we've got to get on a plane and go back to school. It's true.
It looks like we're almost out of here, thank god.
Dan, I just want you to know, from now on you're part of this family.
And I think we're damn lucky to have you. Thanks.
Hey, that's a pretty little boat out there, isn't it? She's brand-new, up for charter.
Buffy and I were trying to think what we could
do to show our appreciation to you two.
I decided, if you want to, that is...
you two cruise up the coast for a couple of days, meet us in cabo.
No? Bill! Yeah. I chartered that boat for you.
And I found the perfect skipper.
I met this fellow in the bar. Turns out he and I were in the war together.
Danny, you will love him.
I just got filled in on your accomplishments, young man.
And you too, young lady.
Captain MacClaren knew all about those people.
They've been pirating boats for years. That's right.
That bunch got started with my boat. [CHUCKLES]
All I can say is, well,
it'll be my pleasure to give them a great cruise.
Usually, I stick to the big yachts.
But in this case, it would be an honor. And don't worry, bill.
I'll make sure that everything stays above board. [CHUCKLES]
What did you say your name was? Don?
Danny. Danny.
Danny, why don't you and Lori get your gear?
If we hurry, we can make the afternoon tide.
[WHISPERING]
Oh! Yeah!
You think you can sail this boat, kid?
I read treasure island, right?
You'll do.
- Mac! - Ever forward!
♪ I'm not proud ♪
♪ I was wrong ♪
♪ And the truth ♪ ♪ is hard to take ♪
♪ I felt sure we had enough ♪
♪ But our love ♪ ♪ went overboard ♪
♪ Lifeboat lies ♪ ♪ lost at sea ♪
♪ I've been trying ♪ ♪ to reach your shore ♪
♪ Waves of doubt ♪ ♪ keep drowning me ♪
♪ All the dreams ♪ ♪ that we were building ♪
♪ We never fulfilled them ♪
♪ Could be better ♪
♪ Should be better ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Lessons in love ♪
♪ For restless eyes ♪
♪ Egos burn ♪
♪ And the mold ♪ ♪ is hard to break ♪
♪ Now we've waded in ♪ ♪ too deep ♪
♪ And love is overboard ♪
♪ Heavy hearts ♪ ♪ token words ♪
♪ All the hopes I ever had ♪
♪ Fade like footprints ♪ ♪ in the sand ♪
♪ All the homes ♪ ♪ that we were building ♪
♪ We never lived in ♪
♪ Could be better ♪
♪ Should be better ♪
♪ Lessons in love ♪
♪ If we lose ♪ ♪ the time before us ♪
♪ The future will ignore us ♪
♪ We should use it ♪
♪ We could use it ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Lessons in love ♪
♪ Lost without love ♪
♪ Lessons in love ♪
♪ When will you ever learn ♪
♪ Lessons in love ♪
♪ When there's ♪ ♪ nowhere left to turn ♪
♪ Lessons in love ♪
♪ Don't let your spirit burn ♪
♪ Lessons in love ♪
♪ I'll wait till you return ♪